No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
