I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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