Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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