Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
