Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
