I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
