i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
