nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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