I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think I sprained my soul last night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
