First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
