There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
