you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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