i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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