Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
