I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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