All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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