Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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