Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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