On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
