I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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