ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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