I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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