why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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