Your tits are I can't wait for
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
