end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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