I feel like abortions should bother me more
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
