Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize