never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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