His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
