He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
