Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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