Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
