As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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