Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
