her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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