You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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