Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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