you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
