I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
