bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The beer is more important than you right now.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
