I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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