If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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