I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
