I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Randomize
