Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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