don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
How's work?
Spinning.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
