Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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