Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
