if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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