Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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