I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I deserve to be covered in dicks
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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