He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
