Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize