I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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