he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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