Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
