my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
