I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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