You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
