Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize