Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Randomize
