why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
