I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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