im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
