In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
