She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize