I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't deserve a penis
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
